More often than we would like, we hear someone complain about the bad mood of the waiter or the public service; maybe it has even happened to you. The question is, how many of us order coffee after saying "good morning"? And/or do we put a smile to address the person? Do we expect a good mood when being "with a locked face"?

 

In an increasingly fast-paced world, full of stimuli, goals and urgencies, we rarely have time to smile or look to "the other". We never truly think about what sustains the bonds we have, whether socially or professionally. It is not the time of coexistence that is at stake, nor the contacts frequency, but something more subtle and essential - reciprocity.

 

Of course, it does not appear in contracts, it is not charged out loud, but it is present in every gesture, word, silence or response, even when it seemingly does not exist. It is, in depths, the flow of mutual recognition between two people, or their absence. When it happens unevenly, it gradually weakens the relationship and eventually prevents healthy coexistence.

 

Clearly, there is no emotional checking account where the debits and credits of reciprocity are recorded with dates and numbers. It's not a matter of “I’ve done my part; now you do yours”.

 

What happens is that reciprocity is always underlying, in a natural way, in absolute silence. In a conversation, in an SMS or in an email. A friend who calls just to find out how we’re doing, a colleague who supports without being asked to, a "gesture" that says, "you matter", as positive examples. As a negative, the non-response to a message, spoken or not, erodes the relationship.

 

It is in this “interlude” that relationships flourish. Whether in personal or professional life, healthy bonds are built if, and only if, there is a fair affective exchange; even if out of step in time. Sometimes we give more, other times we receive more. What matters is the feeling of balance along the way. When imbalance arises, the relationship debilitates.

 

It shows up in small everyday acts such as attentive listening, a sincere look, a timely help. When only one side carries the relationship, it becomes heavy. Giving becomes a charge, dedication becomes frustration. When there is reciprocity, it creates a fertile soil for trust, support, and mutual growth.

 

And the opposite is also true: when there is no return, whether in the form of listening, appreciation or support, weariness, cynicism and distancing set in. We are close to the end.

 

In the professional environment, reciprocity is what transforms groups into true teams, strong collectives. It's not just about exchanging favors, but about cultivating an environment where collaboration and help circulate and recognition is practiced. A leader who values people, a colleague who shares knowledge, a culture that recognizes efforts; all these are manifestations of healthy reciprocity in the organization.

 

We are not always able to reciprocate at the same intensity or at the same time; that’s only natural. The problem lies in the constant asymmetry, in supply without being seen, in giving oneself up without return, in receiving without valuing, in asking without appraise.

 

Let us ask ourselves, then:

Am I there for those who matter?

Have I received what I sowed?

Are my relationships guided by healthy exchanges or by silent expectations?

 

We must practice reciprocity, mindfully. Get out of automatism. To perceive the other and ourselves, with affection and honesty. More than a rule of coexistence, reciprocity should be a way of living in awareness, humanity and respect.

 

After all, few things are as transformative as feeling that what we give finds an echo in those who receive it and that what we receive is born from a genuine gesture.

 

Amity itself can only be maintained by reciprocal respect, and true friends are punctilious equals.

- Herman Melville (Moby Dick book author)